NOTES FROM A BARMY BRAIN

TWENTY-THREE, SKIDOO!

You know, in my multitudinous years I have seen numerous changes in the affectation of human behavior and aphorisms. Although the phase mentioned above, "Twenty-Three Skidoo," is even a bit before my time, it's not a bad way of telling someone to "Get the hell outa here."   And most of the time, it's "really cool, man" to say something like "it's a drag." But, I would like to know when a handshake was replaced by "touching fists." Come on, now. The handshake has always been done upon meeting, greeting, parting, offering congratulations, or expressing gratitude.  Pumping fists!!! If I "pump a fist" it will be directed at someone's jaw, not his fist. 

And now there's a new one I just don't understand. When did "My bad" replace "Oops, I'm sorry . . . my mistake." In my book, if you do something wrong, you apologize. If you do something "bad," you better get the hell away from me. Look, I know changes in speech and mannerisms are inevitable and I agree with the infamous and wise Ferris Bueller when he said: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Just don't ever make a "fist" and aim it in my direction, and never, ever be "bad" when I'm around.

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MY LIFE IN FILMS

I have to tell you, I'm an avid movie fan – especially since my semi-retirement. I would estimate that I've viewed more than 10 thousand films in my, well let's say, "numerous" (note quotation marks) years. I don't know about you, but I get ticked off by these so-called film "critics" (Critic: a word which should be stricken from the English language) and their lists of the 10 best, or 100 best, movies of all time. Give me a break! Any film insight by these plebeian creatures, who are usually failed writers or unemployed actors, is gone with the wind as they color their critiques with their own personal audacious beliefs. Take one of the most famous critics, the late Bosley Crowther of The New York Times, whose claim to fame was his days as the newspaper's "Nightclub Reporter" (hic).  Crowther was an advocate of foreign-language films, particularly those of Roberto Rossellini, Vittorio De Sica, Ingmar Bergman, and Federico Fellini. Too bad he never heard of Spielberg, Cimino, Tarantino, Scorsese, Coppola, or Sir Ridley Scott?

Well, I'm no "c-word," but I think I know a great movie when I see it. And, like I said, I think I've seen them all. Anyway, I'll be so bold as to list my "top ten" . . . I'm sure you all have your own list, too.

#1: THE GODFATHER directed by Martin Scorsese. Hands down, the best movie ever made. Brando and Pacino, two of my generation's greatest actors, couldn't have been better. And the direction was so amazing that even mediocre actors like James Caan and Sterling Hayden turned in stellar performances.

#2: BLADE RUNNER: Ridley Scott's sci-fi masterpiece, which helped surge Harrison Ford to super-star status, puts all other movies of its genre in its space dust.  The film's award-winning soundtrack was composed by Vangelis, and its production design depicting a high-tech but decaying future is often regarded as a leading example of neo-noir cinema.

#3: CASABLANCA: This 1942 classic, with Bogey at his finest, is on everybody's "best" list, and rightly so, and seems to get better and better "as time goes by."

#4: THE WILD ONE: Although Brando made two films before "The Wild One", it was after his strong portrayal of the character of Johnny Strabler you never again heard anyone say "Marlon, who?" This film, with a strong supporting cast topped by Lee Marvin as Chino, is considered to be the original outlaw biker film, and the first to examine American outlaw motorcycle gang violence. It is now a cult classic.

#5: ROCKY: Sylvester Stallone's masterful portrayal of Rocky Balboa resulted in "Rocky" becoming the most iconic sports film ever, receiving 10 Academy Award nominations, and winning three, including Best Picture. And, without question, my old drinking buddy from Corona, the late Tommy DeLouise (better known as Burt Young) playing Rocky's brother-in-law and best friend Paulie Pennino, for which he received an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor, was also instrumental in "Rocky" being ranked by numerous publications as one of the greatest films of all time.

#6: THE DEER HUNTER: This 1978 American epic war drama film co-written and directed by Michael Cimino and starring Robert DeNiro and Christopher Walken was nominated for nine Academy Awards, and won five: Best Picture, Best Director for Cimino, Best Supporting Actor for Walken. "The Deer Hunter" has been included on lists of the best films ever made, including being named the 53rd-greatest American film of all time by the American Film Institute. 

#7: HEAVEN'S GATE: This 1980 American epic Western film written and directed by Michael Cimino, starring Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken (again), John Hurt, and Jeff Bridges, revolves around a dispute between land barons and European immigrants of modest means in Wyoming in the 1890s. Unbelievably, this cinematic masterpiece was originally panned by "C-words" who must have been snoozing instead of watching the opening sequence of the Harvard University graduation celebration, which is the greatest scene ever put on celluloid, resulting in the movie being pulled from the theaters. In the decades since its release, however, "Heaven's Gate" is now viewed as one of the greatest injustices of cinematic history. In 2015 BBC Culture ranked Heaven's Gate 98th on its list of the 100 greatest American films of all time.

#8: RAGING BULL: This film about former middleweight boxing champion Jake LaMotta is ranked by the American Film Institute as the fourth-greatest American movie of all time, and rightly so. Robert DeNiro won his second Oscar for his outstanding portrayal of the troubled boxer. I was fortunate to see LaMotta fight at Madison Square Garden when my father took me to see him make his first successful title defense against Tiberio Mitri on July 7, 1950, and, in 1954, when I was 14, I caddied for him at the Bayside Country Club (he was a good tipper) but that has nothing to do with my selection.

#9 ANNIE HALL: Woody Allen. What else is there to say. Together with my daughter, Cara, we've been Woody fans since seeing his first film, "What's Up, Tiger Lily", which was about a James Bond clone searching for the world's best egg salad recipe. But "Annie Hall" is definitely his greatest achievement, both as an actor and director. Regarded among the greatest films ever made, it ranks 31st on AFI's list of the 100 greatest films in American cinema, 4th on their list of the greatest comedy films, and 28th on Bravo's 100 Funniest Movies.

#10 PULP FICTION: This 1994 independent crime film written and directed by Quentin Tarantino tells four intertwining tales of crime and violence in Los Angeles, California. The film, known for its graphic violence and punchy dialogue, stars John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, Tim Roth, Ving Rhames, and Uma Thurman, with outstanding performances by all. "Pulp Fiction" is widely regarded as Tarantino's magnum opus, and considered as one of the greatest films ever made. It was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: "Jaws," which cleared the beaches for a year; "Dogs of War" with another outstanding performance by Christopher Walken; "The Paper," the best newspaper movie of all time.

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WHY NOT ME

 Why is it that I, being of true Italian –American stock, do not have one iota of musical talent while so many Italian-Americans of my generation, (my goombahs, so to speak) have dominated the Top Music Charts over the years? I mean like not only the biggies like Frank (Born Francis Albert Sinatra) and Dean (Born Dino Paul Crocetti) and Tony (Born Anthony Dominick Benedetto), but take a gander at some of these other musical giants.

 

Al Martino (Born Jasper Cini )

Lady GaGa (Born Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta)

Madonna (Born: Madonna Louise Ciccone)

Julius La Rosa (Born: Why change a great name?)

Frankie Vali (Born Francesco Stephen Castelluccio)

Perry Como (Born Pierino Ronald Como)

Frankie Laine (Born Francesco Paolo LoVecchio)

Bobby Darin (Born Walden Robert Cassotto)

Connie Francis  (Born Concetta Rosa Maria Franconero)

Annette Joanne Funicello (Go with it)

Bon Jovi  (Born John Francis Bongiovi Jr.)

Lou Christie (Born Luigi Alfredo Giovanni Sacco)

Frankie Avalon (Born Francis Thomas Avallone)

Vic Damon (Born Vito Rocco Farinol)

Jerry Vale (Born Genaro Louis Vitaliano)

Dion (Born Dion Francis DiMucci)

 

Oh, well, someone once told me I can carry a tune . . . then they added: "Carry it out of town, and bury it!" But I did have a guitar once, couldn't play, but it was a great prop for my Elvis impersonations. Thank goodness for lip-syncin

"'O SOLE MIO"

 With the passing of the great popular singer Tony Bennett, and the resulting media exposure, I began thinking that so many performers of Italian heritage have gone onto fame, far more than any other nationality. Why is that? Now, this is certainly not a thesis on ethnicity, just a matter of fact that I've found interesting. First of all, let's forget about the great opera singers, such as Andrea Bocelli, Luciano Pavarotti and Enrico Caruso, and stick with more contemporary singers – those who have had songs on the pop charts. Some of the best, besides the aforementioned Mr. Bennett, include:

The Chairman of the Board, of course, Frank Sinatra, or "Ol' Blue Eyes," is among the world's best-selling music artists with an estimated 150 million record sales. His renditions of “That’s Life”, “New York, New York”, “Fly Me To The Moon”, “Strangers In The Night” and “My Way” are absolute classics and are "owned" by The Chairman.

Dean Martin, (born Dino Paul Crocetti) was one of the most popular entertainers of the mid-20th century.  He was nicknamed "The King of Cool." His best-known songs include "Ain't That a Kick in the Head?," "Memories Are Made of This," "That's Amore," "Everybody Loves Somebody," "You're Nobody till Somebody Loves You," "Sway," and "Volare."

Okay, now we dealt with the "Big 3" – the best of the best – which really shouldn't have surprised anyone. So let's move on to perhaps a surprise or two . . . like Morgana King, whom you may know as the wife of "The Godfather" in the blockbusting movie. Well, Morgana, born as Maria Grazia Morgana Messina, began a professional singing career at age sixteen.  When she sang in a Greenwich Village nightclub in 1953, a record label executive took an interest after being impressed with the unique phrasing and multi-octave range. Three years later in 1956, her first album, For You, For Me, For Evermore, was released. In 1964, she received a Grammy Award nomination for Best New Artist. The award went to some non-Italians called The Beatles.

Bobby Darin, born Walden Robert Cassotto, was an Italian-American musician who performed jazz, pop, rock and roll, folk, swing, and country music. His first million-selling single, Splish Splash, in 1958 was followed by Dream Lover, Mack the Knife and Beyond the Sea, which brought him worldwide fame. Interestingly, Darin started his career as a songwriter for Connie Francis, born Concetta Rosa Maria Franconero, a top-charting female vocalist of the late 1950s and early 1960s. Called the "First Lady of Rock & Roll, she is estimated to have sold more than 100 million records worldwide.

Some years after Miss Franconero dominated the charts, a couple of other Italian-American female singers, Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (Lady Gaga) and Madonna Ciccone (you know who I mean) gave "dominating the charts" a new name. The Lady sold an estimated 170 million records and is one of the world's best-selling music artists and the only female artist to achieve four singles each selling at least 10 million copies globally. Not to be outdone, Miss Ciccone, after originally performing as a drummer, guitarist, and vocalist in several rock bands,  rose to solo stardom with her debut studio album, Madonna (1983). She followed it with a series of successful albums, including all-time bestsellers "Like a Virgin," "True Blue" and "The Immaculate Collection," as well as Grammy Award winners "Ray of Light " and "Confessions on a Dance Floor."

Several of my namesake singers did pretty good for themselves. Lou Christie, born Luigi Alfredo Giovanni Sacco, reached number one on the country chart with "Lightnin' Strikes" in 1966; Lou Monte (born Louis Scaglione) was best known for a number of best-selling, Italian-themed novelty records, most famously "Lazy Mary" and the million-selling US single "Pepino the Italian Mouse." Louis Leo Prima was an American trumpeter, singer, entertainer, and bandleader. While rooted in New Orleans jazz, swing music, and jump blues, Prima touched on various genres throughout his career. Some of his most popular songs include his medley of "Just a Gigolo" and "I Ain't Got Nobody."

Okay, I think I made my point. But, just in case, there's Julius La Rosa with “Ehh Cumpari”; Jimmy Durante with "Young at Heart"; Frankie Avalon (born Francis Thomas Avallone) with "Venus";  Vic Damone (born Vito Rocco Farinola) with "I Have But One Heart";”, Jerry Vale, born as Genaro Louis Vitaliano, with “Pretend You Don’t See Her”; Jimmy Roselli , born Michael John Roselli, broke in big with his first album selling over 3 million copies featuring the hit song "Male Femmena"; John Francis Bongiovi Jr. (known professionally as Jon Bon Jovi) has released 15 studio albums with his band as well as two solo albums. Frankie Valli (Francesco Stephen Castelluccio) hit the charts with The Four Seasons singing "Big Girls Don't Cry" and "Walk Like a Man," and Dion, born Dion Francis DiMucci, who, with The Belmonts, hit it big with "I Wonder Why."

Well, I guess I can go on, but I suddenly got the urge for a big plate of pasta, so . . .   Wait! How can we forget America's favorite Television singer, Perry Como? Born Pierino Ronald Como, “Mr. C “, as some called him, had one of the most peaceful and relaxing voices, and starred in his own television show for years. In addition, "Mr. C"  had fourteen songs that reached No. 1, including  "Till The End Of Time"
; "Prisoner of Love";  "Chi-Baba, Chi-Baba"; "Some Enchanted Evening"; Don't Let The Stars Get In Your Eyes"; "Wanted" and "Catch a Falling Star". And, we must give honorable mention to Bruce Frederick Joseph Springsteen. "The Boss" is of Dutch, Irish, and Italian descent. His mother's maiden name was, Adele Ann Zerilli.

It's interesting to see how many Italian-American households were touched by the sprite of musical talent, while totally ignoring the Duro abode. I couldn't carry a tune with a forklift!

MY LITTLE CHICKADEE

After a month in the hospital with a kidney infection, I'm now greatly improved and convalescing at home while being treated as an outpatient. Boring!  With nothing to do but cook and play with the TV remote, I got to thinking about all the crazy and fun episodes of my 83 years of survival. And, just for the heck of it, I thought I would share some of them with you.

I mentioned "cook," which was always my passion, since, as a child, watching my mother create wondrous Sicilian meals with practically nothing more than a pot and a wooden spoon.

When I joined the Navy in 1957, I discovered that scrapping paint and cleaning the head (toilet) was not my calling, so I applied for, and was accepted, at the highly acclaimed Navy Culinary School. Navy chefs feed 300,000 sailors, plus man the kitchens for the President of the United States in the White House and at Camp David. Pretty cool.  After graduation, I wasn't chosen to feed the leader of the free world, but I was assigned, along with three other chefs, to prepare meals for 200 students of the Officers Training School at Newport, Rhode Island.

Fast-forward to living on the beautiful island of Crete, Greece, with my Greek-American wife, Sofia, since 1985. After almost 10 years of early retirement, and due to some unfortunate circumstances, we found ourselves running low on our New York money.  Oh, what to do? Hey, I got it. I'm still a chef (once a chef, always a ….). Well, you get it. We decided to open a simple American Southern fried chicken restaurant, and call it "Chickadees" – from W.C. Field's classic line, My Little Chickadee.  

I'm not quite sure how it happened, but Chickadees went from a fried chicken emporium to a full-scale Italian-American restaurant, with a

full bar, the only one on the island. We offered over 60 menu items, not counting starters and desserts. Whew!  Hard work? Forget about it.  Fun? You betcha.

Chickadees was a huge success, with customers from the nearby American Air Force Base, tourists from the surrounding hotels, and, finally, local residents who decided it wasn't a sin to eat mozzarella instead of Feta cheese. Chickadees became a Cretan landmark for 12 years, until a Dutch couple made us an offer we couldn't refuse, and promptly ran it into the ground. But, Sofia and I have great memories of our Chickadees days, and the friends we made from around the world.

If you want to take a peek at what Chickadees had to offer, I photographed our menu, which became a classic in its own right.

 

IF PINOCCHIO WAS PRESIDENT

It all started with a lie.

One of the first things every school kid in America learns is: George Washington, America's first president, never told a lie.

Well, of course, that's a lie in itself. When Washington died in 1799, Parson Mason Locke Weems, a moralist as well as an opportunist, felt that the people knew all about Washington's accomplishments as "the father of the new country," but not much about his personal life. With that goal in mind,

he became Washington's first biographer and added fiction to fact in his efforts to create a portrait of Washington as a role model for the fledgling country’s citizens. Thus, the creative story of little George chopping down his father's cherry tree and, when asked by his angry dad who chopped down my tree, the classic line was born: "I did, daddy. I cannot tell a lie."

While there is not much recorded of Washington's statements as president (there was no Washington Post at the time), you can be sure that one or two "untruths" or "exaggerations" popped up now and then. Because, let's face it, telling lies is in the DNA of every president or premier or prime minister in the world .  . . the Pinocchio syndrome. The tall tales may vary from simple false campaign promises to more serious attempts at deceptions, but, let's face it, they lie!  It's just a reality of life. I mean does anyone really believe anything people like Putin or Kim Jong Un say? 

Not that American presidents or other political leaders don't sometimes throw fuel on the fire. Sometimes it's a little spark. For example, even the man considered to be the finest American President, Abraham Lincoln ("Honest Abe") was caught in a fib or two. Lincoln's biggest lie was that he was willing to open peace negotiations with the Confederacy – knowing that much of his own party thought that only unconditional surrender by the South would settle the question of slavery. At one point, Lincoln wrote a note to his own party asserting – falsely – that there were “no peace commissioners” being sent to a conference with the Confederacy. In the end, all turned out well.

The fact is every president or head of state lies—at some point.  It’s the nature of politics and diplomacy. Sometimes, a president might convince himself that a lie is in the national interest. A president might lie to shield the public from damaging information that could undermine sensitive missions. A lie could be a way to protect intelligence vital to national security. Or a presidential falsehood could be inadvertent, the result of sloppy staff work or wishful thinking. It's the big lies that do all the harm. Like when President Putin says Russia has no designs on any other land, then sends troops into Ukraine.

In America, the gold ribbon for "The Greatest Lie" has to go to President Bill Clinton, whose rep was already tarnished by the Whitewater Scandal of the 1970s and 80s, when he was Governor of Arkansas, and he escaped jail time due to "insufficient evidence." Then, of course, as president, he made that

classic statement during an interview, "I experimented with marijuana a time or two, but I didn't inhale." The American people were so upset at something which was an obvious lie, that Clinton later came out and said he was "only joking" about not inhaling. But, wait a minute. The really big lie, The Gold Medal winner, is coming up. With a straight face, Clinton looked directly into the eyes of the world in 1998 and emphatically declared: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.” Well, Clinton's rep, being already "stained" (pardon the pun) by his other blunders, led to him being only the second president in American history to be impeached.

Runner-up in The Great American Presidential Lie competition goes to Richard Nixon when he told the people "I am not a crook," in regard to the Watergate scandal. While history showed he may not have known of the actual break-in at the time, he did his damnedest to cover it up.

The fact is, all world leaders lie, such as Russia's Vladimir Putin, Turkey's Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, China's Xi Jinping, and the list goes on. John Mearsheimer, author of the book Why Leaders Lie: The Truth About Lying in International Politics argues that leaders lie to foreign audiences as well as their own people because they think it is good for their country, or to cover up crimes being committed by the county's regime.

(Author's Note: Pinocchio is a carved wooden puppet by an Italian woodcarver named Geppetto.  He is notably characterized for his frequent tendency to lie, which causes his nose to grow.  If that were to happen in real life, The United Nations would need a much larger building to accommodate all those loooong noses.

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MEET THE LEGEND NAMED RALPH ZENGEN

The phrase, "He was a legend in his own time," may be one of the most overused, and, usually exaggerated,  expressions in history, but when it comes to a guy named Ralph Zengen, it's almost as if the words were coined expressly for him.

You see, I actually "heard" of Ralph before I even met him. We both grew up in Bayside, Queens, a New York City residential suburb in the 1950s, but since he was several years older, we did not meet until a few years later. In 1953, there was a terrible bully by the name of Pete Foresi stalking Bell Boulevard, Bayside's main street, picking on all the younger kids, myself included.  Although I was big for my age (actually fully grown already) I was only 13 at the time, and lacking the confidence that only comes with life's experiences, so I and other kids always kept an eye out for Pete, and would run upon sighting.

Suddenly, through the teenage grapevine, I heard those magic words: Hey, didya hear about . . . ?   No, what?  This guy, his name is Ralph, saw Pete Foresi picking on some kids and threw him through the plate glass window of Pete's Paint Store. Wow!  Pete the bully was never seen stalking the boulevard again.  As it happened just two years later I started "hanging out" with a bunch of guys at Dick's Candy Store on Bell and, lo and behold, one of them was Ralph Zengen, the legend of Bell, who had made it safe for younger kids.

Although I was younger than most of the guys, I was accepted into "The Crowd" with Ralph and Bobby Coppers and the others and we became friends for life.  In 1954 Ralph joined the U.S. Navy, and, after Boot Camp, was stationed at the Brooklyn Navy Yard, a stone's throw from Dick's, so "the crowd" remained intact with Ralph and the others. Even when he was later transferred to the New London Naval Base, in nearby Connecticut, Ralph, in his new 1958 V-8 Impala, cut the driving time down on the turnpike to less than two hours as he rushed back to Bayside on weekends to see his family and friends.

One night in November 1959, as he was heading back to New London on the Connecticut Turnpike after spending the weekend in Bayside, disaster struck – a disaster with a golden lining. Ralph was involved in a horrific traffic accident and was rushed to Yale Medical Center in New Haven. The hospital listed his condition "grave," but, of course, they didn't know who they were dealing with. With the strength and determination that always defined Ralph Zengen, and with the help of a cute little nursing student named Nancy Woods, he made a remarkably fast and complete recovery. When he eventually left the hospital, he took his nursing student with him, and, on September 17, 1960 Nancy Woods became Nancy Zengen, at a Connecticut wedding "invaded" (by invitation, of course) by the entire gang from Dick's, which left the local townfolk something to talk about for years to come.

Of course, the exploits of Ralph and the rest of us at Dick's Candy Store could all come under the heading of "teenage frivolity," but when it came to his country and the United States Navy, Ralph took things seriously, very seriously – and the legend continued.  

By the late 1950s and early 60s, when most of the crowd was being dragged reluctantly into adulthood, and the military, Ralph was already on his way to building a most honorable career in the Navy. Following his return to duty after his release from the hospital, Ralph, who had

chosen Cryptology as his rating specialty was stationed to a security base in Washington, DC. That's when he showed the brass he had "the right stuff."  Entering the service as an ordinary seaman, he flew through the ranks of petty officers until being awarded the insignia of Chief Warrant Officer, a fete seldom achieved.  Along the way, he collected numerous awards and medals for his service, including two Navy & Marine Corps Commendation Medals, a Navy & Marine Corps Achievement Medal, a Navy Unit Commendation Ribbon, a Navy Good Conduct Medal and a National Defense Service Medal.  The only way for the awards to stop was for Ralph to retire in 1980, after a more than admirable (pun intended) 26-years of service.

You might think compiling such a commendable military career would leave time for nothing else. You might think that, but you'd be wrong. About the only thing more important to Ralph than the Navy was his family – for which he achieved even more memorable "awards." You see, that cute nursing student he married in 1960 also had "the right stuff." Their 60-year marriage was commemorated with the birth of four daughters and five granddaughters. (As one daughter, Dawn, said: "I think having all girls was a "payback" for his early years!"). 

Early years, married years, military years. Ralph proved to be a legend in all three. But just days after Nancy and his 60^th anniversary, Ralph suffered a cardiac arrest which took his life. I think there was a sudden stillness around the world at that moment. I know there was one in mine. After the stillness, however, there was an avalanche of memories. Like our many reunions in Bayside throughout the years, and the time Bobby Coppers and I "dropped" in for a visit when he was stationed in Virginia. What'd we do after enjoying a wonderful dinner with Nancy and the rest of his family? Retire to his backyard to resume our wrestling match that began sometime in 1955.

Ralph, will be interred at Arlington National Cemetery, alongside so many other great men, such as General Douglas MacArthur, President John Fitzgerald Kennedy, and Astronaut John Glenn – legends all.

Read more on the early "exploits of Ralph in my bio-novel coming-of-age story, "Be Bop A Lula." The character "Ox" is "loosely" based on Ralph. (www.louduro.com)